Gemma's Guide to Online Dating

So this month I took up the little adventure of online dating. Although I don't have trouble in the man department, online dating has always intrigued me. After one month I have been on a few dates, spoke to a lot of men, deleted loads of messages from weirdo's, flicked through lots of photos of men and been showered with lovely compliments. I have been inspired to write down some little pointers for the people out there who want to take up the 'challenge' of online dating:

Your profile

• Be honest- Nobody likes a liar! Write your profile as honestly as you can. Your potential dates will see that your genuine rather than a weirdo who's just writing things you think people want to hear. The more honest you are there's more chance you will meet someone.
• Use a current picture- Don't put bad quality pictures of you from years ago when you were 3 stone lighter... that's just not cool and a shock for your date. When I was looking I only messaged guys back who had more than two pictures so maybe put a variety of pictures of you on there. Oh and of course a (fully clothed) body picture. Who cares if you have wobbly bits... get them up there it just shows your honest, serious and not hiding anything. Don't include photos of friends or the opposite sex in your pictures... big NO NO. Do not use photos of you from nights out unless you really are a lager lout. 
• Be safe- Do not put your contact details in your 'about me' section! There's plenty of weirdo's on there who would be happy to stalk you. If you have been messaging a potential date and your getting on that's cool if you give them your contact details but do not post them up for all the world to see! 
• Say exactly what you want- Don't fanny about... tell your  potentials what you are looking for. 

While searching and talking to your 'potential'

• Be polite- Refrain from sending crude messages to people. How are you expected to get a date if you just put ' Hey Sexy! Your tits are amazing fancy a F***' (Yep this is taken from my inbox) If you're serious about finding a date then take time to write a  nice personal message and definitely not one you just copy and paste to everyone.
• Be brutal- Don't reply to weirdo's out of pity... it just makes it harder when you try and get rid of them later down the line. If you don't like them do not reply. I know it sounds harsh but it just wastes time and maybe you could miss a potential date while being to busy trying to get rid of a weirdo.
• Be yourself-  Don't say things you think the person you are talking to wants to hear. Just be yourself! If they don't like it that every Tuesday you like reading comics while watching sponge bob square pants then they are not for you. 
• Be wary- Not everyone on online dating sites are nice and honest. Sometimes they might say things to get you into bed... or they are just weirdo's with hidden secrets. Just don't be naive!!  Keep your wits about you and don't believe everything everyone on there says.

The Date

• Give them a call- Once you have found a date online (wooohoo go you!) I would advise you speak to them on the phone before the big date. Just hearing someones voice and having banter on the phone brings an element of familiarity to the situation. Its a great icebreaker and will make you more relaxed when you have to meet them face to face. If you're more high tech and daring try skype!
• When?-  Give it a couple of weeks before your date. Get to know them first and then meet DO NOT rush into it. 
• Where?- Pick somewhere busy and familiar.
• Love or Lust?- So the dates going well and you are attracted to someone BUT what you need to think about is this love or lust? and the same goes for your date... do they just want to have their dirty way with you or do they actually want to start something with you.

• Be safe- Make sure people know where you are, what you're doing and who your with. Before I went on a date I would send Emma the guys picture, their number, little bit of info about them, where I was going and text her at random times during the date. I know this sounds like too much but its better to be safe than sorry. :-) 

The aftermath

If the date went well... wooohooo BUT if it didn't then don't worry! Get up, dust yourself off and try again! There are plenty more fish out there on online dating sites (trust me I know). Rejection and no spark between you and your date is horrible but take it as a learning experience. Say goodbye, forget about them, then get back on the website and I promise within minutes you would have found someone else!

Check out our Ask a Chap/Bird articles for more helpful tips, advice and relationship woes.

So that's it... Happy hunting online daters <3

Ask a Bird and a Chap!! March

This month LYYB thought we’d try something different. Ask a chap and ask a bird are combined in a public debate. We want anyone and everyone to comment on the below question... feel free to write an essay or a simple sentence. We want as many people to answer as humanly possible. Maybe there will be something in it for you, who knows what LYYB are really up to! 

So the question... Take it away ladies and gents... 

LYYB likes a night on the town, wearing a skimpy outfit and drinking ourselves into a stupor as much as anyone, but when it comes to nights out and meeting the opposite or maybe the same sex depending on the person, can you find love on a night out? Or do you think the way you meet someone sets the tone for a relationship? Is it true that the only way to meet a partner these days is to be off your head in a night club? A penny for your thoughts...

Ask a bird- February

Here's our ladies answers to this months question. Enjoy..

'Valentines Day, whether you're coupled up or single how does the allegedly most romantic day of the year make you feel? Do you celebrate or dread it? Do you always receive a dozen red roses or does it pass you by without a care? Your thoughts LYYBers.'

Aimee  

I've never really had a valentine - text last year from Mat as I was in Portugal! And year before from my girl friends at college because our boyfriends were knobs! So it's nice to show the people around you - you love them! But I think it's over rated and expensive! Go out on a normal day and celebrate your love! I feel it's pushed on a specific day! Me and Mat go out once a month to celebrate (bit sad I know) I tell Mat, my mum and dad, friends I love them every day so 14th Feb won't be any different - and I'm engaged haha we shall see.

Kim

I'm quite romantic but I'm aware of the commercial aspect of it and
I've learned that romance is something that should be a random
feeling/act that just happens when it does! I don't count down the days
(my birthday is 4 days after!), but it's nice to mark the occasion in
our own way, as we are married and it's important to continue making an
effort.

We're both far from traditional, so chocs and roses aren't standard
(although I would never complain). We used to buy each other a 'rude'
present on Valentine's Day which meant an annual trip to Ann Summers!
lol We don't fuss over pressies now though, but I've bought my card
already this year.

Twice in the past, we've experienced two VERY LATE take-aways so we've
learned not to bother with take-aways on Valentine's Day any more, and
we think going out for a meal is a bit tacky when everyone else is doing
the same thing. So now we stay at home and surprise each other with a
three-course meal. Last year, I did the starter and dessert and Luke
made the main; this year, I'll do the main and vice versa. It's fun, we
both make an effort and we don't let on what we've done. I'm easily
pleased. ;^) Perhaps romance is basically making an effort and putting
thought into things.

One point I'd like to make though is that I don't think singles should
be maudlin' at home! Single people should be enjoying their own company
and making the most of their time enjoying what they like to do because
you don't know when a partner will come along and introduce that
frustrating word 'COMPROMISE'. Singles shouldn't be left out on
Valentine's Day: use the time to pamper yourself.

Hannah
When I've been in a relationship, it's often been an opportunity
to have fun with it, I prefer a funny card to a soppy one! I'm not one
for grand gestures. As a single girl who sells her cards and
illustrations online, it's currently an opportunity to sell cards to
lovey dovey couples.

Vicky

Hmmm it goes by without me even thinking about it and if i do think about it, it makes me feel poo cos it reminds me of my singleton life! ha.. its just another way of getting money out of people for a stupid reason!

Want to see our chaps answers to this question??? Click here to have a nosey

Ask a Chap - February

At LYYB the ladies of the business are always pontificating the behavioural traits of the gentlemen they encounter. We decided we’d had enough of their constant and frustrated pondering so LYYB is putting these ever so complex questions to four men a month in a bid to put our lady issues to rest.

Valentines Day, whether you're coupled up or single how does the allegedly most romantic day of the year make you feel? Do you celebrate or dread it? Do you always receive a dozen red roses or does it pass you by without a care? Your thoughts LYYBers.



Michael 28  
I have never had a lot of luck when it comes to Valentine's Day being single for a large proportion of them so far, and seeing happy couples almost giggling with excitement make me reflect on my single status. Although I don't believe you need to be a couple to be happy,
what occurred to me is that, on Valentine's day you can pretty much have free reign to be as flamboyant and make wildly outrageous romantic gestures as people seem ever so slightly more open to the idea of falling love. Which in turn fills me with hope and giddiness at the idea
of happiness.
I always celebrate Valentine's day no matter what, If I am on my own I will treat myself with something special, a little trinket or taking a friend out for a meal (not on Valentine's day that would be strange). I feel it's a day to celebrate love not that your in a relationship, so you can do what the hell you like.
OK love you, bye.



Xanti Tito Xipu, 21
Valentines Day .... There’s no word of a lie it’s a one of them days that makes a person feel a bit warm... but when you are single it is a tad different... I mean you want to be doing all the things that loved up folk do but you cant because you haven’t got anyone special to share that love and romance with. I definitely don’t dread the day, just cause you haven't got a valentine doesn’t mean that you should give up on the chance of finding one, that’s how I see it.




Will Silverside

"This is Will... he's single." What a common and apparently vitally important part of my identity this has become in recent months. I'm just glad that this has replaced, "Hi meet Will... He's gay."

Whilst I've had relationships, I've never actually shared a valentines day with anyone. In some respects, I do dread it. Yes, I am single but am I lonely? My answer, (363 days a year at least) would be no. But every year to some degree I find myself wallowing in self pity over how empty and without meaning my life is. If this was truly how I felt about my life, then I would feel it every day- not just once a year on February 14th.

On the flip side of the coin though, (And sorry to resort to predictable view point) Isn't it just commercialised crap? There's no romance in Valentines Day- It has become about buying cards, flowers and chocolate. There is more to love than that.

I have a good life. I am extremely lucky for what I have. Sure, a boyfriend might give my life something it doesn't know it's missing but until that day, February 14th will continue to disappoint.
Will (I am Soooo Carrie Bradshaw) Silverside

Matt, 27

I'm not a massive fan of Valentine's Day. If you're single it can feel like people are rubbing your face in it, and if you're attached then, depending on how your relationship works, the pressure's on to "be romantic". If you want to go and do something then everywhere's busy and things are more expensive, and it's hard not to come to the conclusion that Valentine's Day as we know it is really just a money-making excercise.

I have had enjoyable Valentine's Days when in a relationship, but that had nothing to do with the day itself. Exchanging cards and so on is fine, but if you really care about someone you should be showing them this all the time, not just on an appointed day of the year. Flowers and chocolates on Valentine's Day? Pretty much what's expected of you. Flowers and chocolates any other day of the year, because you just felt like treating your other half? To me, seems more meaningful.

As a guy, I also feel, rightly or wrongly, that the onus falls on me to "be romantic" and do or organise something, and to me it doesn't feel very romantic or spontaneous if I'm doing it because it's Valentine's Day.



Check out what our birds have to say about this.... Click here

Gemma's Monthly...

So this month I was a bit stuck about to what to write! As I'm sitting here stroking my beard chin, I am wondering what you guys would want to read. I admit that I am not a big writer so I have decided for this month to give you guys some of my favourite quotes. We all need a little bit of inspiration in our lives. Enjoy.

Be apart of our LYYB social media community: Follow us on Twitter or 'Like' us on Facebook

Ask a Bird- January

The boys at LYYB have been feeling rather left out of the dating loop, so we decided after a large number of queries to ask the birds what the craic is! We all know the girls are as equally complex as the boys … so it’s time to level the playing field.     

'Being single is a constant battle for all parties involved, first dates are especially mind boggling, what are your do’s and don’ts for that ever so awkward occasion? How do you think gents should appear? Dressed up? Should they kiss us? Is it wrong to sleep with someone on the first date? Basically ladies round up your first date etiquette for us'

Donna, 23

I'd have to say that regardless of how well you know the person sex on the first date is a no no! As it gives men the wrong impression and although you may not think it at the time ... They really want to have to work for it! I think kissing on a first date is acceptable as you've got to give them a little taste to keep them interested! Also flirting is a must you just don't want to make it all about flirting as again they'll get the wrong impression! You have to balance flirting and talking so that you can get to know one another. I don't really mind on whether the guy dresses up, it depends on the type of date, but I want to see that they've made an effort not just picked up a manky t-shirt off their bedroom floor and sprayed a bit of lynx on!! And they definitely have to have brushed their teeth ... As a guy with manky breath is such a massive turn off!! Finally the type of date is important.. It has to be something fun ... and if they're a penny pincher the whole time I wouldn't go on a second date. I'm not saying they have to spend loads just be a gentleman!

Charlie, 20

First date ...Guys should come dressed smart casual but in the style of clothing they like to wear, I think men should just go as themselves. I think sleeping with someone on the first date is a no no. It could make you seem desperate, easy or only on the date for the fun factor and nothing more. I would see how the night goes but I don't see the problem in a goodnight kiss. But guys should not push for sex on the first night it makes them seem sleezy and non interested. Men should be made to wait till the at least the 5th meeting maybe longer it all depends on the people. it's what ever human nature tells you to do.

Su B, 22
Defiantly wrong to sleep with someone on a first date! I am very traditional, like to see a fella dressed up smart, perhaps giving a kiss on the cheek. Women should keep something to the imagination and something exciting! Don't get boobs and legs out... just one. Don't make the first move, always be asked! Do be yourself, He will find out one day what you are really like! Do wear matching under wear. It makes you feelgood! Guys dress smart and pay!

Katie-lou, 23

First date Do's are:- Confidence! Let it shine through. Are you shy? no problem, just don’t hide behind your glass. Gents should dress not to smart but not to casual, a nice shirt, tidy jeans or trousers and clean shoes. If the moment is there for a kiss fine, but on a first date its not right to sleep with each other. Try and arange a second date towards the end of your first date unless your not that keen! Offer to buy the lady a drink. general chit chat is required but not life stories just yet. Get to know the person, like what there job is? how long have they lived in the area. just simple things.  Sit in a comfy position and do not try to be someone your not. erm.......................................... brush your teeth before you go out. And stay away from the garlic while on a date. even though I’m a huge fan, I will also do the same, as after a while you don’t smell too good. Don’t be on your phone all the time... its a first date so should just be the both of you.


Check out what our lads say about this... 'Ask a Chap' 


Be apart of our LYYB social media community: Follow us on Twitter or 'Like' us on Facebook

The Un-conventional Dating Game

The LYYB co-founders are both single (get your violins at the ready) they’ve been dateless for months, tragically spending nights alone and contemplating purchasing flannel pyjamas.

LYYB has had enough of their tragic ways, so we sent them on a few rather un-conventional dating tasks, we know for a fact Emma has had many problems with Internet dating and we know that Gemma has had many a knock back from misleading blind dates ... but how will our ladies fair when we ask them to push the boundaries on the single scene ... can any of these crazy, insane and potentially dangerous tasks lead them to boyfriends? Or will we be seeing their faces on the 10 o’clock news?

At LYYB we have decided that in modern life Internet dating, speed dating and blind dates are all pretty ‘conventional’ dating methods, we know that in busy times people struggle to socially meet each other without being wasted in a night club or at work.
We’ve set our two single ladies three tasks that could result in potential dates ... *crosses fingers*

No 1: The sign
The sign as stated consists of advertising the LYYB ladies in the windows of the official LYYB motor.

Emma: I didn’t imagine this would work and quite frankly it didn’t I’m sure selling a car in this way works because the sign is attached to the goods your selling. No takers for me using this technique. Hilarious stares though.

Gemma: I think this could have worked if we hadn’t done this on a Sunday when all the old farts (who don't have a clue what a BBM is ) are out doing there Christmas shopping. I think if we had done our research and driven around and parked in a place where hot men are ie. a rugby club and maybe put our phone numbers on it then we would have had more punters. Definitely worth doing again.

No 2: The Roulette
The Mission was to find boyfriends or potential dates via chatroulette www.chatroulette.com ... would the LYYB ladies find love or find genitals galore.

Emma: This is a dangerous game, mainly male body parts on show, I don’t think this is the place to find dates, especially as you’re thrown in with people from all over the world, but you can meet some interesting people here and have conversations of an intellectual nature ... or get your bits out if you fancy.

Gemma: Chatroulette is a great pick me up.  if you want to be flattered and feel sexy this is the place you want to go. Although its easy to get a guys attention and ask them on a date, the lads you are talking to are half way across the world and just want to see some naughtiness.

No 3: The Advertisement
When you’re single don’t you always joke ‘maybe I should just have a massive sign and an arrow pointing at me that says single’ ... well that’s what your LYYB ladies did ...

Emma: Out of all three challenges this was the one where I genuinely thought ‘this could work’ I know on several occasions I’ve joked about this very task ... sadly ... it didn’t work, the worst part is I found myself angling my sign towards men who would walk past with girlfriends like ‘take me home instead ... I’m free’, I think this could work though ... if you had all day and pepper spray to get rid of any weirdos that cross your path!!

Gemma: Like Emma said we started ‘angling’ our signs to certain men however, it scared them off. I think if we were to set up a ‘stand’ in the middle of town where people could come and apply to be our boyfriends this would have been more successful.  I am a bit gutted we didn’t get any dates but to be honest who would actually approach some crazy girls, holding signs asking to be her boyfriend?? NONE. Ok well  maybe some weirdos … but not any tall dark handsome prince charmings that we want to live happily ever after with.

I think what our LYYB ladies are saying is maybe sticking to conventional methods is best … especially if weirdos are involved.

At least Gemma and Emma can say they tried these crackers methods.
One day they’ll find some yummy men to take them off our hands but until then at least they have each other … (sad but true)

LYYB  

Be apart of our social media community: Follow us on Twitter or 'Like' us on Facebook

Ask a Chap- January

At LYYB the ladies of the business are always pontificating the behavioural traits of the gentlemen they encounter. We decided we’d had enough of their constant and frustrated pondering so LYYB is putting these ever so complex questions to four men a month in a bid to put our lady issues to rest.

'Being single is a constant battle for all parties involved, first dates are especially mind boggling, what are your do’s and don’ts for that ever so awkward occasion? How do you think us ladies should appear? Dressed up? Should we kiss you? Is it wrong to sleep with someone on the first date? Basically gents round up your first date etiquette for us'

Chris, 24
First dates: its definitely wrong to sleep or try to sleep with someone on the first date it comes across creepy and could ruin any chance of things working out! I think walk them home or pay for the taxi and a kiss before you leave each other is the best way to end it, if you still like each other after the first date then a kiss will keep each party wanting more (providing you don't get slobbered on)  Rule 1 is the bloke should always pay for the whole first date, don't be afraid to open up and be honest about things it keeps conversation going and let's her know more about you, obviously you don't want to go to far but If she still doesn't think your insane afterwards then a second date hopefully will be on the cards. Ask plenty of questions, this should come naturally as nervous as you might be after all you should be interested in her if your on a date together. Don't try to be funny it just makes you look stupid normally the harder you try the less funny you are, you’re either funny or you’re not never try to be something you’re not! Big rule is never lie about stuff if you end up together then they will find out the truth! remember you are both gonna be nervous so stay calm don't over think things and just be yourself (as cheesy as that sounds)

Dustin Hutton, 29, New York
For Guys--
Do: open doors, pull out chairs, be polite, not just to your date but to everyone you come into contact with whilst in your date's company, ask open ended questions and actually listen to the answer (it makes a difference)
For Ladies--
Do: Dress in whatever fashion makes you feel the most comfortable but wear nice perfume (dudes are suckers for nice smells), kiss but don't sleep with on first date (any girl I've ever slept with on a first date has never lasted long), when the bill comes let us pay but at the very least put up a little fight (it makes us feel like men)

Adam, 25
Please let us know beforehand of any dietary needs you have. There is nothing worse than booking the best table at a nice restaurant only to discover you hate everything on the menu. Make an effort with clothes and appearance, but don’t fret about it too much.
A kiss on the cheek is the acceptable greeting for both parties.
Feel free to talk about anything that interests you. If you find we’re being a little quiet, don’t back off; engage with us. Besides that, we like to listen. However….
DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES TALK ABOUT YOUR EX.
If you want dessert, have dessert.
Sex on a first date should be regarded as a possibility. Make it clear to us if that that is the direction you want the evening to be heading. Carry condoms. We will think you are responsible, not a slut. Sorry to say, but we may forget them ourselves.
Whatever happens, enjoy yourself. It is meant to be fun after all.

                        

Paul, 26

For me first dates are all about looking for that spark and discovering whether the girl is on the same wavelength as me, and as such etiquette comes second to this. First impressions and looks aren't everything but of course I'm not naive enough to think that they don't hold weight. For example if I arrange to meet a girl in my local pub and she rocks up looking like something from TOWIE then I'm going to be understandably apprehensive. Similarly if we're meeting in a cocktail bar and she turns up in jeans and a hoodie I'm not going to be impressed, so with regards to dress-code common sense should prevail on both sides. I'll freely admit I'm old fashioned when it comes to these things, sex on a first date isn't a no-no but there has to be some serious chemistry for me to consider it. Too many people rush into it, for me the anticipation makes it all the sweeter when you do eventually get to the bedroom. As for kissing I think again that largely depends on the chemistry. If I think the date's gone well and I'm getting the right signals then of course I'll make a move and would welcome it if she did the same, otherwise if she gives me a peck on the cheek at the end of the night then I'm not going to be disappointed, it is only the first date after all.

Check out what our ladies say about this...'Ask a Bird'

Be apart of our social media community: Follow us on Twitter or 'Like' us on Facebook

Ask a Chap!

At LYYB the ladies of the business are always pontificating the behavioural traits of the gentlemen they encounter. We decided we’d had enough of their constant and frustrated pondering so LYYB is putting these ever so complex questions to six men a month in a bid to put our lady issues to rest.

'At LYYB we are perplexed by the integrity of men in relationships. Our LYYB ladies tell us that the majority of men who appear interested in them are already in relationships. These 'gentlemen' claim they are 'in love' with their respective partners however they behave untoward via varied technical communications. As a guy what's your experiences\ theories on this?'

Chris, 23,

Men want the comfort and security of a relationship, and whilst they say they love their girlfriend it's more a case of them loving the situation they're in. They love the sex on tap and comfort of a girl who cares for them. And because they're not really in love with their other half, they still want the thrill and excitement that flirting with girls they don't know brings. Don't get me wrong, they probably care for their girlfriend but young guys get bored easily and they look for fun in other places.

Alex C,  20

If they are really in love with their gf then perhaps they like the fact that they are getting attention off other women as well as their gf and they like that. But then I think that’s crossing the line because if you are with someone you are making a commitment to stay loyal and not look for attention from elsewhere. And perhaps when they are sending these texts saying that they still love their gf they are covering their own backs trying not to come across as such a bad person and convince the other person that there’s not really anything bad going on when actually it is.

Jimmy, 25

Personally, i believe that if you are texting, or using social media to flirt with other girls whilst in a living relationship then obviously there's an element of emotional insecurity from the male perspective. Not saying that this is just a male trait as I know many girls that flirt that do similar. I went to school with a girl that has recently got married and she really gets a kick out of flirting with other men. Regularly emailing them. One of my best mates got with a married woman after she emailed his work account constantly. She emailed inviting him to cycles and triathlons, trying to meet whilst having the genuine excuse of undergoing their hobby.In some cases, they say that if you're in a relationship and your partner suddenly starts a health kick despite being in the comfort stage of the relationship then they've already decided that they're ending relationship, only when they're comfortable with their look...When I have been in a relationship I've always found myself texting others. Yet that was when I was younger and I've never been in love so doesn't count. Yet it's all down to the thrill of being caught. I reckon on some level you want to be caught so that you can make the hard decision, easily. Letting her break it off.

Andrew, 31

I would say it's probably something to do with us guys wanting to know that we still "have it" (the ability to pull women) and a lot of guys not really being happy with what we have.Even if you're in a relationship with a great girl you might see someone else and it might look like she's better so you might try a little harmless flirting and if you receive any kind of encouragement back it’s a real ego boost, and everyone knows we (guys) live off our egos.I also think there's a macho-ness involved with it too. Amongst friends, men are praised for their sexual exploits and therefore it could be seen as more macho to have more than one woman interested at a time. I, in my youth, had a wonderful girlfriend but decided to try and flirt with one of her friends over text. It always seems so much easier to say things in a text/chat than you would in real life. I got caught of course, and even though we stayed friends she has never forgiven me for it (and it's been 10 years!).

Phil, 26

Observation #1: They're clearly not mature enough to be in a committed relationship -- if they are doing this to their existing partner, chances are they will do it to the next one. The only way to stop it is to end the existing relationship in a decent, mature way.

Observation #2: Men are, fairly uniformly, driven by sex. If they're not getting it with their partner and don't have a stable relationship with them, then any show of affection or interest from another woman can result in the above mentioned games...

Observation #3: Likelihood is that the men from Observation #1 will never change - they are what is most commonly known as 'arseholes'.

Kurt, 23

I admit to having done this, but if push came to shove; I wouldn't cheat. It's nice to know if somebody finds you attractive. It's not a road I go down often. The first time it happened,the doubts it cast ended my first long-term relationship, but then again if that was meant to last, such a thing wouldn't have happened. I also seem to remember one young lady who "almost" kissed me when she was in a relationship too..

LYYB