May Ask A Chap/Bird - Technology

LYYB has been pondering over something rather rude this month... we’re aware last month we asked you about your personal foliage but this time round we’re thinking more technological. The majority of humans on this earth have a mobile phone, access to the internet and potentially/extremely likely to both. We know from previous interrogation that our LYYB readers love a bit of filth... so what with you all having these technological capabilities what we require of you this month is simple. Do you use your mobile phones, social networking profiles, skype and any other type of technology to get your kicks? We’re not talking porn, we’re talking sexting, cyber sex or good old fashioned webcam action... do you dirty lot reckon these advances have made our sex lives more exciting? or more drab? Has opening this new can of sexual worms meant that we’ve normalised sex into our everyday lives because it’s always only a text or an email away? Are these new technology forms taking over from actual sex?




To give you guys a little inspiration here is our favourite Avenue Q song...

Body Image and Sex

Becoming a woman is a bit like becoming celebrity, only more traumatic. This is either a fairly agreeable, or vastly unpleasant experience depending on what you look like and how popular you are. You go from being an uninteresting skinny child, more or less left to your own devices, to suddenly being incredibly fascinating to everyone the moment your breasts and hips start to appear.


Three months ago you were just a kid, blissfully unaware of the storm awaiting you with the onset of puberty. Nobody cared if you had hairy legs or short fingernails, chubby ankles or even if you were a girl or not, but now all of a sudden everyone has an opinion on you. From your split ends to your unpainted toenails and everything in between, suddenly everyone you know (and plenty of people you don’t) wants to tell you exactly what’s wrong with you. Magazines are full of pictures and articles and adverts of how you should look, your mother is tutting at your stretch marks, your aunts tell you how easy it will be for you to give birth with those hips, boys at school shout obscenities about your vagina across the playground. It’s all very stressful.


Then there are the body changes. Boys – a bit of extra hair and a deeper voice do not a dramatic pubescent transformation make. Try growing a pair of boobs (it hurts) and going home from school one day to discover your pants are full of blood (yeah, that hurts too). I think it took me about ten years to get used to the shock of getting an unrecognisably new body in the space of about three months. Granted, the transformation isn’t as a dramatic or fast for many girls. I was envious of my peers’ girlish bodies with their tiny pert breasts and slender hips, but perhaps they were jealous of mine too. I couldn’t do the things I used to do, like climb trees and dance and run about, without my new body getting in the way. It was like it had betrayed me.


It is against a background of all this drama and bleeding and trauma and pressure and tits and image and advertising and probably some awkward lights-out fumbling teenage sex that we emerge into our twenties. It is unsurprising then, that girls carry some insecurity into our relationships, specifically surrounding our bodies and exposing them to the critical eyes of others. I’m certainly not saying that guys don’t have insecurities too, but there isn’t quite that same intense pressure that we are under, to be perfect. Once the clothes come off and presumably there’s been some snogging, so many of us have this nagging feeling that we aren’t up to scratch. That scar, that spot, that stretch mark, that bit that wobbles a bit too much, that bit that doesn’t wobble enough…it’s a minefield.


And it can stop us from actually enjoying the experience - inhibition about our bodies gets in the way of good sex. Don’t you wish you could just laugh about the whole thing, not care anymore? Not that it isn’t easier said than done, it took me years to get over feeling inhibited and self-conscious about some aspects of my body. I’m certainly not all there yet either. But I’ve learned a valuable lesson along the way too, in that how you feel about yourself is what others see. People pick up on our carefully hidden insecurities.


Once you get over worrying about your flaws, you’ll realise no-one else really cares about them either. I once asked a male friend about whether guys are actually bothered about a bit of extra wobble, prominent ribs or boobs that are slightly different sizes whilst in the throes of passion – he said this: Woman, we’re so stoked to be having sex with you at all, we couldn’t care less or even notice. All we’re thinking is – this girl wants to have sex with me, she has tits and a fanny – awesome.


Not delicately put, but you get the idea.


Alice.


Twitter: @lucyetlapin
URL:   http://aliceetlapin.blogspot.com

Ask a Chap/Bird - April Body Issues

As all of our April articles are about ‘body issues’ we thought perhaps our Ask a Chap/Bird question could somehow tie in nicely. LYYB has a rather personal question... to shave or not to shave? Yes we mean down there... and yes gents we mean you too! It’s come to LYYB’s attention that when it comes to body hair it’s not just ladies who have it in all different shapes and sizes... we know through scientific research *cough cough* that men do all sorts of strange and wonderful things down there to, the question is chaps and birds what’s acceptable or does it really depend on the person? When it comes to first encounters is it better to have too much or too little? Do you wax, shave or pluck? We’re interested...

Emma's Guide to One Night Stands

Yes I am well aware that this isn’t LYYB’s usual high brow type article, but I do know LYYB loves controversy and more than anything the truth.

I wouldn’t be the rude one if I didn’t spill the beans on some inappropriate slightly uncomfortable subject matter. 

I know for a fact the majority of people I am companions with have engaged in at the very least one of these one night only stands as they are so aptly named, for those of you in denial about what one night stands consist of, it’s no strings sex normally with a complete stranger although it doesn’t have to be, sometimes it’s a mutual need for some pleasure that means you fornicate with another for that simple purpose, basically you shag once and go your separate ways.

The key is in the title ladies and gents, one night, if you sleep with someone more than once you did not have a one night stand nor did you have a few one night stands that simply doesn’t make grammatical sense, you are into a completely different kettle of fish.

I am talking about the one nighters that remain a pleasant or in the case of a few not so pleasant memory. I am not professing to be the ‘One Night Stand’ guru by any means, but recently I’ve heard more horror stories than enjoyment tales.

Being the observant creature I am I have compiled a simple list of do’s and do not’s for those of you who are entitled to your one nighters hassle and horror story free. This is purely for education purposes, I am not about to teach you how to get one nighters or am I saying that one night stands should be your main objectives, but they happen, so deal with it.

Do’s

Gentlemen condoms please, since when was is it OK for you to stop carrying condoms, my lady pals tell me you’ve stopped carrying, we’re not going to let you stick that in us without them. You have a wallet don’t you, just put one in there, come on at least one. It doesn’t make you look presumptuous. 

Ladies condoms please, just because I’ve said that you should have them too. Enough said.

Enjoy, stop worrying about your flabby bits, size of things and what pants you’ve got on, if you didn’t want to sleep with each other you wouldn’t be there.

Tell someone where you’re going, matter of principle really, especially if this is one of those random stranger one nighters.

Make sure that both parties accept what is happening, not just consensual sex, I mean make sure they are aware this is no strings. This will only land you in hot water if you don’t say so. 

Ask questions, this is one night, you want to enjoy it so do make the effort to find out what the other person likes.

Be generous... this isn’t all about you, there is someone else in the room too, make sure they get the most out of this to. You all know what I mean. 

Do Not’s

Be too intoxicated, confessions aside we all know one nighters usually occur when drunk, if you’re that drunk you should go to your bed alone, not to anyone else’s. 

Inflict extreme fetishes upon your partner unless you have previously stated such. No one wants an out of the blue smack in the face if you haven’t said you like it rough first.

Have un-protected sex under any circumstances, you’re old enough to have sex? Then put something on it. 

Make this out to be something it isn’t, if you like one another outside of the one nighter then make sure you’re being honest, if you aren’t interested in the nicest way let the other person know, DO NOT pretend otherwise. 

Be ashamed of yourself, it happens to the best of us I bet the Queen has had one... at least one.

Be rude about it, if this happens with someone you know, for example in your friendship group, keep it low key. No one likes having their dirty laundry aired. 

Be callous... there is no need to get up and walk away once the deed is done, you’ve both agreed it’s one night only, enjoy each other’s company or have some more hanky panky. What? You’re already naked and there. 

Fake it, what is the point? It’s one night, surely better to say it’s not happening or try something else.

So LYYB and I say have sex, be merry but be sensible. Oh how boring you cry. Let’s have no more shocking one night stand stories then.

Emma x

Ask a Bird- January

The boys at LYYB have been feeling rather left out of the dating loop, so we decided after a large number of queries to ask the birds what the craic is! We all know the girls are as equally complex as the boys … so it’s time to level the playing field.     

'Being single is a constant battle for all parties involved, first dates are especially mind boggling, what are your do’s and don’ts for that ever so awkward occasion? How do you think gents should appear? Dressed up? Should they kiss us? Is it wrong to sleep with someone on the first date? Basically ladies round up your first date etiquette for us'

Donna, 23

I'd have to say that regardless of how well you know the person sex on the first date is a no no! As it gives men the wrong impression and although you may not think it at the time ... They really want to have to work for it! I think kissing on a first date is acceptable as you've got to give them a little taste to keep them interested! Also flirting is a must you just don't want to make it all about flirting as again they'll get the wrong impression! You have to balance flirting and talking so that you can get to know one another. I don't really mind on whether the guy dresses up, it depends on the type of date, but I want to see that they've made an effort not just picked up a manky t-shirt off their bedroom floor and sprayed a bit of lynx on!! And they definitely have to have brushed their teeth ... As a guy with manky breath is such a massive turn off!! Finally the type of date is important.. It has to be something fun ... and if they're a penny pincher the whole time I wouldn't go on a second date. I'm not saying they have to spend loads just be a gentleman!

Charlie, 20

First date ...Guys should come dressed smart casual but in the style of clothing they like to wear, I think men should just go as themselves. I think sleeping with someone on the first date is a no no. It could make you seem desperate, easy or only on the date for the fun factor and nothing more. I would see how the night goes but I don't see the problem in a goodnight kiss. But guys should not push for sex on the first night it makes them seem sleezy and non interested. Men should be made to wait till the at least the 5th meeting maybe longer it all depends on the people. it's what ever human nature tells you to do.

Su B, 22
Defiantly wrong to sleep with someone on a first date! I am very traditional, like to see a fella dressed up smart, perhaps giving a kiss on the cheek. Women should keep something to the imagination and something exciting! Don't get boobs and legs out... just one. Don't make the first move, always be asked! Do be yourself, He will find out one day what you are really like! Do wear matching under wear. It makes you feelgood! Guys dress smart and pay!

Katie-lou, 23

First date Do's are:- Confidence! Let it shine through. Are you shy? no problem, just don’t hide behind your glass. Gents should dress not to smart but not to casual, a nice shirt, tidy jeans or trousers and clean shoes. If the moment is there for a kiss fine, but on a first date its not right to sleep with each other. Try and arange a second date towards the end of your first date unless your not that keen! Offer to buy the lady a drink. general chit chat is required but not life stories just yet. Get to know the person, like what there job is? how long have they lived in the area. just simple things.  Sit in a comfy position and do not try to be someone your not. erm.......................................... brush your teeth before you go out. And stay away from the garlic while on a date. even though I’m a huge fan, I will also do the same, as after a while you don’t smell too good. Don’t be on your phone all the time... its a first date so should just be the both of you.


Check out what our lads say about this... 'Ask a Chap' 


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