Silent Sunday #17

#17

Gemma's Guide to Online Dating

So this month I took up the little adventure of online dating. Although I don't have trouble in the man department, online dating has always intrigued me. After one month I have been on a few dates, spoke to a lot of men, deleted loads of messages from weirdo's, flicked through lots of photos of men and been showered with lovely compliments. I have been inspired to write down some little pointers for the people out there who want to take up the 'challenge' of online dating:

Your profile

• Be honest- Nobody likes a liar! Write your profile as honestly as you can. Your potential dates will see that your genuine rather than a weirdo who's just writing things you think people want to hear. The more honest you are there's more chance you will meet someone.
• Use a current picture- Don't put bad quality pictures of you from years ago when you were 3 stone lighter... that's just not cool and a shock for your date. When I was looking I only messaged guys back who had more than two pictures so maybe put a variety of pictures of you on there. Oh and of course a (fully clothed) body picture. Who cares if you have wobbly bits... get them up there it just shows your honest, serious and not hiding anything. Don't include photos of friends or the opposite sex in your pictures... big NO NO. Do not use photos of you from nights out unless you really are a lager lout. 
• Be safe- Do not put your contact details in your 'about me' section! There's plenty of weirdo's on there who would be happy to stalk you. If you have been messaging a potential date and your getting on that's cool if you give them your contact details but do not post them up for all the world to see! 
• Say exactly what you want- Don't fanny about... tell your  potentials what you are looking for. 

While searching and talking to your 'potential'

• Be polite- Refrain from sending crude messages to people. How are you expected to get a date if you just put ' Hey Sexy! Your tits are amazing fancy a F***' (Yep this is taken from my inbox) If you're serious about finding a date then take time to write a  nice personal message and definitely not one you just copy and paste to everyone.
• Be brutal- Don't reply to weirdo's out of pity... it just makes it harder when you try and get rid of them later down the line. If you don't like them do not reply. I know it sounds harsh but it just wastes time and maybe you could miss a potential date while being to busy trying to get rid of a weirdo.
• Be yourself-  Don't say things you think the person you are talking to wants to hear. Just be yourself! If they don't like it that every Tuesday you like reading comics while watching sponge bob square pants then they are not for you. 
• Be wary- Not everyone on online dating sites are nice and honest. Sometimes they might say things to get you into bed... or they are just weirdo's with hidden secrets. Just don't be naive!!  Keep your wits about you and don't believe everything everyone on there says.

The Date

• Give them a call- Once you have found a date online (wooohoo go you!) I would advise you speak to them on the phone before the big date. Just hearing someones voice and having banter on the phone brings an element of familiarity to the situation. Its a great icebreaker and will make you more relaxed when you have to meet them face to face. If you're more high tech and daring try skype!
• When?-  Give it a couple of weeks before your date. Get to know them first and then meet DO NOT rush into it. 
• Where?- Pick somewhere busy and familiar.
• Love or Lust?- So the dates going well and you are attracted to someone BUT what you need to think about is this love or lust? and the same goes for your date... do they just want to have their dirty way with you or do they actually want to start something with you.

• Be safe- Make sure people know where you are, what you're doing and who your with. Before I went on a date I would send Emma the guys picture, their number, little bit of info about them, where I was going and text her at random times during the date. I know this sounds like too much but its better to be safe than sorry. :-) 

The aftermath

If the date went well... wooohooo BUT if it didn't then don't worry! Get up, dust yourself off and try again! There are plenty more fish out there on online dating sites (trust me I know). Rejection and no spark between you and your date is horrible but take it as a learning experience. Say goodbye, forget about them, then get back on the website and I promise within minutes you would have found someone else!

Check out our Ask a Chap/Bird articles for more helpful tips, advice and relationship woes.

So that's it... Happy hunting online daters <3

Silent Sunday #16

#16

An end to Facebook

LYYB loves Facebook as much as the next human but we’re concerned about a few woeful stories we’ve heard in regards to this social media phenomenon. Is it possible for Facebook to ruin relationships, cause arguments and perhaps even destroy everything an individual holds dear? 


Surely not? Social media is key in today’s society even LYYB wouldn’t exist without it, but can people function anymore without social networking or is it a must? What happened to handwritten letters, using the telephone or even conversing person to person?

As you’ve probably already guessed as ever the cruel mistress that LYYB is we can’t ask all these questions without delivering you some wide spread chaos with a splash of theory. As you know we like to make our Co-Founders lives *cough* miserable... sorry I mean challenging. 

Gemma & Emma... (Our usual victims) are going to give up Facebook for an entire long and gruelling month, and they WILL give it up. They’ll be changing each others’ passwords, deleting the apps off their phones and saying goodbye to all things Facebook. They will be without it from the 1st February to the 1st March. We’ll be adding week by week tormented comments from the two of them and as always at the end be sharing a general consensus.


Will they learn to live without their social media distractions or will they be begging us to be re-activated!


Week One:
Emma: This is not the first time I have not had a Facebook account, once a couple of years ago after an ‘incident’ I decided to delete myself off completely and I have to admit for those 8 months life was so un-complicated, the reason I re-joined was because I had learnt my Facebook lesson, never add people you don’t want looking at your page, try not to look at peoples pages that might upset or anger you and the big one DO NOT TAKE IT SERIOUSLY, Facebook is not gospel. After re-instating myself I thought I’d turned a new Facebook leaf so to speak but sadly after a couple of years of having it again I have slipped back into old habits. That is mainly how I see Facebook as habit forming. I have to admit the biggest change this week was deleting the app off my phone, that’s been odd because I usually check my Twitter and Facebook at the same time, to be honest though by the end of this week it’s been refreshing  quite frankly it’s made me remember why I deleted it in the first place, I’m not interested in seeing photos of drunk people acting like tits and I also don’t care about some person I maybe went to school with 10 years ago breaking up some guy they went out with for five minutes, I am also noticing that I have a lot more time, I’m not stuck on Facebook 24/7 anyway but sometimes I can lose hours to it and not even realise, hours I have spent this week doing LYYB work or sorting more important things out. Week one feelings: loving the lack of Facebook. 

Gemma: The first couple of days it was hard to get out of the habit of ‘checking facebook’. I didn't realise how much I depended on checking Facebook every minute of the day. I wake up in the morning, check Facebook, brush my teeth, check Facebook, have breakfast, check Facebook, brush my hair, check Facebook... you get the picture and this goes on throughout the whole day. To tackle this I have started to check LYYB’s Gmail account just to make up for the loss of ‘checking’ Facebook. Isn't it sad how dependant I have become on a social media site!! But in my defence it’s hard to get away from as you can access it 24/7, it’s slapped on commercials and advertisement and everyone talks about it as ‘the norm’. This past week Facebook has been mentioned the majority of conversations like ‘oh I saw this on Facebook’ or ‘oh so and so has added me on Facebook’ or ‘ Have you seen so and so’s pictures on Facebook’ ect ect ect... I think I have noticed this more as I subconsciously know I am not allowed to access mine this month and I feel like I am missing out. This weekend I was at a Hen party which is an example of where I would ‘abuse’ my Facebook with everything to do with the event. During and post the Hen party I was itching to:

• Add new friends I met on the night out so I can keep in contact and say ‘Thanks for the great night see you at the wedding’ and join in the post-hen party banter.
• Post and access the pictures that were taken on the weekend (and delete the horrendous drunken ones)
• Tag myself and others in the places we were visiting.
• Put some random drunken status to make everyone laugh. (maybe this was seen as a blessing in disguise)

I think it’s nice to have the social side of Facebook in this situation. You are sharing, showing, communicating about ‘what you’re doing’ with people. BUT when you really stop and think about it isn't it about getting attention on Facebook? You’re posting a photo or status update to get attention of others and it makes you happy when people have ‘liked’ and commented on your posting. That’s quiet sad really. Maybe this experiment will make me realise other sides of Facebook? hmmm food for thought. 

Week Two:
Emma: Fully into the swing of this no Facebook thing, I admit a couple of times when people have said ‘did you see this on Facebook’ or ‘OMG did you see her comment last night’ I have actually found myself pitying that person for saying that and thinking, seriously... is that all we have to talk about what happens on a social media site? I have to hand it to Mark Zuckerberg he really has us at the bollocks doesn’t he, Facebook is really clever at making you feel like you’re missing out on something. Sadly I’ve been un-well this week but I did have lots of social activities planned, so if I’d been able to attend them I wouldn’t of even thought about it, apart from to write this. I think honestly it’s making me make more effort with the friends that really count, instead of trying to keep in contact half-arsed through Facebook I’m starting to make effort where it counts. 

Gemma: This week I have been having moments where I am saying ‘I wish I had Facebook’. One of these instances was I was asked out to go to the cinema and I didn’t have a clue what good films were out. Usually I would write a status asking my friends what’s a good film to go see... but this month I can’t. Usually my friends are quite good at responding and giving recommendations but this time I have had to choose alone. I had to go on the cinema’s website trawl through the films, read the reviews, watch the trailers... what a load of hassle! However just because Facebook can get you answers straight away does it just make us lazy?! Do we rely too much on what our friends say instead of finding out for ourselves?! hmmmm

Week Three:

Emma: Now I’m fully restored back to full health, I can now say whole-hearted I do miss Facebook, not in the way you might think, I don’t miss writing silly updates, I just miss the comfort of knowing there are people around you brings, also I know for a fact certain people have tried to contact me via it and failed, silly. I would also like to thank the lack of Facebook for encouraging me to sort some things out in my life, one ditch a couple of irritating gentlemen and for allowing me the time to actually strike up conversations with new interesting people via dating websites. That’s right I signed up to some... we’ll see how that pans out. I seem to have much more time for doing ACTUAL fun things.

Gemma:

I met someone this week and the first thing I wanted to do is check them out on Facebook... but I couldn't. This ‘checking’ of people we do on Facebook is a good thing right? Let’s do a little scenario... So you have just met this guy on a night out who you ‘like’ and you check their Facebook. You find that they have all these ‘slutty’ girls posting on their wall, their pictures are of drunken nights out kissing girls and being a general prat. What do you do?? I personally would stay well clear of this guy. Surely this is a positive reason of why we need Facebook to do a little bit of stalking? It gives us the heads up if we need to find out something about them? (while writing this the saying ‘Don’t judge a book by its cover’ is popping into my head. hmmm)

But when you really think about it, it’s quite sad that we rely on Facebook to ‘check’ what people are like and snoop at their past. It’s like we have forgotten our face-to-face social skills and it puts up barriers (if you have seen something bad on their profile) as you have automatically judged them. But surely it’s our own fault for how we are seen on Facebook. We have poured your life all over a little online profile where people can judge and comment on. For the majority of people its allowed them to hang out their dirty laundry online for all to see (which in most cases we don’t actually want to see).I don’t miss this aspect of Facebook however I do miss the having a nosey once in a while to see what everyone is up too. hmm let’s see what next week brings.

Week Four:

Emma: I have a mixed bag of feelings this week, I know that regaining Facebook is looming and I feel really divided about it. One side of me really wants to delete it, goodbye Facebook but as much as I hate to admit it I think I do actually need it, especially for family, as we don’t all live together or in the same cities... having said that I’ve gone on record this week as saying I think ‘Facebook is a poor excuse to be a shit friend’ basically what I’m saying is the first way someone contacts you says a lot about a friendship, lets face it it’s not hard to send a text is it or make a phone call, Facebook is at your fingertips, and I think that people ‘think’ using it to talk to people is a good way of communicating but actually it’s really just a way of getting away with not speaking in person or even a more personal form of contact. I think perhaps a Facebook cull is in order... not deletion.

Gemma: This week I am finally NOT...I repeat.. NOT missing Facebook. Crazy right?! I think I have finally got over the ‘need’ for checking Facebook. I have learnt that my whole social life doesn't revolve around it and there is other means of communication with my friends.  Although Facebook is a useful tool to have I really think we depend on it too much. Next week when we get it back I think I wont be on it 24/7 like I was before which makes me happy. This experiment has taught me a lot of things and one of them is wherever you go, whatever you do Facebook will always be there!!! ahhhhh hehe ;-)

It’s been a tough month for Emma & Gemma, we think our little experiment has really made the girls think about than more than just using social media but about their lives and relationships with people.

Who knew going without Facebook for four weeks could do this to two people.

Perhaps people take for granted the power social media has on our everyday lives.

LYYB will be keeping their social media as without it we simply wouldn’t exist...

It’s given LYYB a lot to think about.

LYYB x

Silent Sunday #15

#15

Ricci Pickings

Ricci Pickings

You could say I had a moment back at my parents’ house, where I stayed over the Christmas break. As steady a ritual as it always has been in the bleak cold weather, becoming a temporary TV worshipper once again seemed the best way of passing the uneventful hours. That was when I happened upon a repeat of the 2004 Grumpy Old Women Christmas Special, in which a bunch of disenchanted baby boomers moaned about how tough organising Christmas can be in a mansion, on an upper-middle-class salary with a Land Rover as your only means of transport. I found myself doing something I always do when I see a picture, film of TV programme from the sixties to the early 00s; I fantasised about the illustrious journalistic career I could have had, had I only graduated then. Time, of course has its fleeting progressions, phases and implications for those who go through them and it’s pure chance as to whether your life’s journey crosses paths with the ever-changing tides of fortune, whenever and whatever they may be, as I’ve found through my own bitter – and not so bitter – experience. 1970, for instance, might have been a better time to get into journalism but the closest things people had to MP3s and downloading were cassette tapes and crackly analogue radios, and apparently it wasn’t a good time to have impacted wisdom teeth, either. I had one taken out recently with no pain or side effects, only to go in with a sense of dread instilled by my mum’s terrifying account of when she had had one removed 40 years ago, that would perturb the editors of Fox News  (or perhaps excite, even mildly arouse – we can but guess!)

Blossom flowers – even the tree in our garden’s doing it this season!

As for fashion, it’d be a tragic waste of electricity and our dear Mother Earth’s precious resources to expend energy stating the obvious about how it’s ever-changing. Instead, I’ll focus on its long-standing love of the Far East. With all the mystique and mystery it has held, if, like me, you grew up in the 90s you’ll remember Japan as the setting of choice for computer games, a prized holiday destination for the super-rich kids, a slightly Orwellian technology capital and a chirpy, colourful haunt for cheesy pop music considered to be beneath British standards. It was the home of Hello Kitty, anime and a haze of bright colours and characters so kitsch even the kitchen sink would be grinning inanely in true genki style!

As for fashion, let’s start with the first flirtations of couture’s love affair with the Orient:
Clingy, high-maintenance and purely about good looks - perfect partner material or what? Well, back in 1923, fashion seemed to think so, reacting against the loose-fitting chemise trend with the straight-up-and-down robe collant, and a linear silhouette that would be paired with ethnic and historic references like the kimono sleeves in Patou’s full cape and straight pleated dress (below).
Back again to the turn of the millennium and it’s goodbye Hello Kitty and moshi moshi Harajuku street style (for PROPER examples see - or just Google - Fruits Magazine)


Since then, as the internet and its demand-side economics came into play, the West has caught up in a slightly more real-time respect with the various sartorial subcultures of Japan’s street style. Lank tresses of improbably luminescent blonde hair? An even more improbably dark tan? Garish pale eye makeup applied with a trowel and effortlessly finished with two freeze-dried tarantulas for eyelashes? It could only be ganguro (hyperlink to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ganguro) – who the f**k is Katie Price?

A goth? Ahem, I’m short, dark and bishoujo, (link to http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TallDarkAndBishoujo) darling!

Emo? How adorably 2005! It’s visual-kei, actually – do the oversized theatrics of my outfit not give it away more readily than an Abercrombie & Fitch show organiser  might gift a gilded designer restraining order from the front row to a reality TV star!?



Spring 2012 fashion has seen the Eastern influences go full-circle with Oriental influences from all ages, including futuristic florals at Matthew Williamson…


Chinoiserie at Julien Macdonald…


And is that a frogged floor-length kimono I spy from Fashion Fringe winner Corrie Nielson? Mana (hyperlink to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mana_(musician)) would be proud!


Hence the inspiration to copy the unmistakably Japanese blossom details on Nina Ricci’s wedge sandals, currently standing tall at the number 6 spot on Style.com’s  illusive top ten must-have shoes of the season list.
Difficulty

Medium / Easy


No point in me trying to scare you out of this one because rocket science it isn’t, however it does get fiddly in places, namely those requiring the application of sequins.


Time

Mine took me about 5 hours per shoe, but that was mostly down to waiting for the contact adhesive to dry so it’s not 10 hours’ solid work, and would probably work out at a lot less of you multi-task appropriately.


Total cost

I used old shoes of mine for this one and have a comprehensive collection customising accoutrements for every occasion, so the raw materials set me back…

£21.77


You will need…

Wedge heel sandals
Packs of 1000 5mm sequins in the following colours: 2 x glossy black
 1 x satin heather
 1 x metallic emerald
 1 x glossy vanilla
 1 x matte pewter
All at 85p per pack from Josyrose, adding up to £5.10
Contact adhesive -  £3.08 for a tube from B&Q
Long, thin tweezers
Gemstone glue - £3.49 from Hobbycraft
Fabric scissors
Palette knife
Black felt-tip pen
Graded setsquare or anything with 1cm parallel lines
Metallic gel pen
Fabrics: (prices are likely to vary)
A tiny sliver of green and black floral fabric (mine was £1/m from a market)
A tiny sliver of black PVC ( mine was about £2.50 for half a metre from London’s super-cheap Goldhawk Road, near Shepherd’s Bush market)
0.5m pink mock-croc pleather – I bought mine in black handbag form from a charity shop for £3, and painted it with a mixture of red enamel paint (£1.60 from Hobbycraft) and white Dylon fabric paint (£2 from John Lewis) 
And this is how it’s done…

That masterpiece again…



By Charley Helfet

Ask a Bird and a Chap!! March

This month LYYB thought we’d try something different. Ask a chap and ask a bird are combined in a public debate. We want anyone and everyone to comment on the below question... feel free to write an essay or a simple sentence. We want as many people to answer as humanly possible. Maybe there will be something in it for you, who knows what LYYB are really up to! 

So the question... Take it away ladies and gents... 

LYYB likes a night on the town, wearing a skimpy outfit and drinking ourselves into a stupor as much as anyone, but when it comes to nights out and meeting the opposite or maybe the same sex depending on the person, can you find love on a night out? Or do you think the way you meet someone sets the tone for a relationship? Is it true that the only way to meet a partner these days is to be off your head in a night club? A penny for your thoughts...

Silent Sunday #14

#14