At LYYB the ladies of the business are always pontificating the behavioural traits of the gentlemen they encounter. We decided we’d had enough of their constant and frustrated pondering so LYYB is putting these ever so complex questions to six men a month in a bid to put our lady issues to rest.
'At LYYB we are perplexed by the integrity of men in relationships. Our LYYB ladies tell us that the majority of men who appear interested in them are already in relationships. These 'gentlemen' claim they are 'in love' with their respective partners however they behave untoward via varied technical communications. As a guy what's your experiences\ theories on this?'
Men want the comfort and security of a relationship, and whilst they say they love their girlfriend it's more a case of them loving the situation they're in. They love the sex on tap and comfort of a girl who cares for them. And because they're not really in love with their other half, they still want the thrill and excitement that flirting with girls they don't know brings. Don't get me wrong, they probably care for their girlfriend but young guys get bored easily and they look for fun in other places.
Alex C, 20
If they are really in love with their gf then perhaps they like the fact that they are getting attention off other women as well as their gf and they like that. But then I think that’s crossing the line because if you are with someone you are making a commitment to stay loyal and not look for attention from elsewhere. And perhaps when they are sending these texts saying that they still love their gf they are covering their own backs trying not to come across as such a bad person and convince the other person that there’s not really anything bad going on when actually it is.
Personally, i believe that if you are texting, or using social media to flirt with other girls whilst in a living relationship then obviously there's an element of emotional insecurity from the male perspective. Not saying that this is just a male trait as I know many girls that flirt that do similar. I went to school with a girl that has recently got married and she really gets a kick out of flirting with other men. Regularly emailing them. One of my best mates got with a married woman after she emailed his work account constantly. She emailed inviting him to cycles and triathlons, trying to meet whilst having the genuine excuse of undergoing their hobby.In some cases, they say that if you're in a relationship and your partner suddenly starts a health kick despite being in the comfort stage of the relationship then they've already decided that they're ending relationship, only when they're comfortable with their look...When I have been in a relationship I've always found myself texting others. Yet that was when I was younger and I've never been in love so doesn't count. Yet it's all down to the thrill of being caught. I reckon on some level you want to be caught so that you can make the hard decision, easily. Letting her break it off.
I would say it's probably something to do with us guys wanting to know that we still "have it" (the ability to pull women) and a lot of guys not really being happy with what we have.Even if you're in a relationship with a great girl you might see someone else and it might look like she's better so you might try a little harmless flirting and if you receive any kind of encouragement back it’s a real ego boost, and everyone knows we (guys) live off our egos.I also think there's a macho-ness involved with it too. Amongst friends, men are praised for their sexual exploits and therefore it could be seen as more macho to have more than one woman interested at a time. I, in my youth, had a wonderful girlfriend but decided to try and flirt with one of her friends over text. It always seems so much easier to say things in a text/chat than you would in real life. I got caught of course, and even though we stayed friends she has never forgiven me for it (and it's been 10 years!).
Observation #1: They're clearly not mature enough to be in a committed relationship -- if they are doing this to their existing partner, chances are they will do it to the next one. The only way to stop it is to end the existing relationship in a decent, mature way.
Observation #2: Men are, fairly uniformly, driven by sex. If they're not getting it with their partner and don't have a stable relationship with them, then any show of affection or interest from another woman can result in the above mentioned games...
Observation #3: Likelihood is that the men from Observation #1 will never change - they are what is most commonly known as 'arseholes'.
I admit to having done this, but if push came to shove; I wouldn't cheat. It's nice to know if somebody finds you attractive. It's not a road I go down often. The first time it happened,the doubts it cast ended my first long-term relationship, but then again if that was meant to last, such a thing wouldn't have happened. I also seem to remember one young lady who "almost" kissed me when she was in a relationship too..